Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
