Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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