the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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