We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
