is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
