i jhust puked up my retainher.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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