@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
