We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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