His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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