My nipple is on Facebook.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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