I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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