did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
