mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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