but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize