Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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