She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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