you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
