Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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