Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
