so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
