haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
