PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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