don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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