I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't put those talents on a resume
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
