The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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