dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize