that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
