This dress was meant to end up on your floor
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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