I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
