Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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