you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
