I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
