I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
