You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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