So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
