You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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