I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
