While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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