shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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