So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
