Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
