I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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