This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
