why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
