Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize