i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we're so committed to being not committed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
