He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
