either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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