Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
