You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
