Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
