she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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