hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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