If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
