I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
