Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize