Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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