I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
