my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
