And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
