i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
