Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
