I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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