I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
