i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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