I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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