ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
