go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I die, sorry about rent.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
