Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
