It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
