My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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