I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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