I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
