I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
