yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
